Types of HMHS Spectators by Karleigh Lopez

You have made it to your first Haddonfield Memorial High School sporting event. You’ve outfitted yourself in Haddonfield labeled attire, they have handed you a rally towel at the door, and you are excited and ready to cheer on the (insert sport here) team! However, as a newbie to the HMHS spectator scene, there are a few types of fans you may want to familiarize yourself with before choosing which best suits you. In a sea of passionate (or in some cases phlegmatic) students and parents, it is sometimes difficult to find a seat among the same type of fans that you identify with. Classifications are easily changeable especially if you are only a freshman. The key idea is to remember to keep an open mind and not to spazz out, you may identify as more than one type of fan.

1. The Sideline Coach

Ah, The Sideline Coaches. This particular fan you can find anywhere from little league baseball games to college intramural games to professional sporting events. As you may have previously seen, Sideline Coaches tend to be the most opinionated and routy; quite often, they remain in a standing position throughout the game to maintain a bird’s eye view the players. Their key identifier though is their persistent opposition to any and all calls made by both the actual coach and the referee. Within the first ten minutes of the event, your Sideline Coaches are sure to have already acquainted themselves with all the referees through their colorful language painted with ah, come on’s and are you blind?’s. These fans will sit as close to the game as possible, sometimes even leaning over railings and elbowing other people in order for athletes to hear their typically nonsensical critics and advice. They are the sworn enemies of coaches and players as they cause quite the distraction, depending on their volume and the content of their verbally attacks to referees. Those who identify as a sideline coaches usually do not understand boundaries and are Mr. Banos’ third favorite type of spectator to remove from sporting events.

Sideline Coaches are most commonly parents or middle schoolers.

2. The Real Life Bulldawg

This energetic fan is arguably the most phanatic in all of the HMHS spectator section. Decked out in head to toe in red and black, spinning homemade pom-poms while still managing to juggle a megaphone and a cowbell, The Real Life Bulldawg will evoke the loudest synthetic bark you have ever heard. This is where this fan in particular earns its name that aligns with our mascot. People who identify as being a Real Life Bulldawg usually have perfect attendance to a wide variety of sporting events, with the exception of basketball games as they are on week nights. Even still, RLBDs have the loudest cheers, the funniest mimicking of canine sounds, and the most colorful of personalities. As an added bonus, some of the best RLBD’s memorize all of the athletes names, positions and numbers, which makes for fantastic personalized chants that really get the crowd going.

The reigning favorite RLBD: Rhonda Ilves

3. The I-just-came-from-practice-and-I’m-only-here-because-my-friends-are-here

Ok, before you start to point fingers and callout the guys and girls on the swim team for showing up half an hour late to the basketball game with their hair still wet and their sweat pants tucked into their sneakers, just know that this category of fans is the most dominant in every spectator section. Though many regard these types of fans as “fake fans” or “filler fans”, these people are the true backbone of the HMHS bleachers. Think about it, if it weren’t for them, our bleachers would be filled with over-involved parents, the away team fans, and that one crazy puppet guy (don’t worry we still love him to death). So if you just finished your track practice, or you’re all finished your homework in time for the big game, throw on your sweat pants, tie your hair in a bun, shove your phone charger and a few dollars in your pocket because it’s go time.

Usually confused with: Did you just wake up?

4. The Athletic Trainers in Training

You’ve seen them before. You know, outfitted like something out of a Lululemon catalog, sporting their popular girl smiles and flirting with the boys on the sideline. Some might even venture to say that they aren’t even really fans at all because they sit with the players and with Ms. Ricker (sad face, RIP Mrs. Gould’s old position). However, despite the stigma that being an ankle wrap girl possess, these girls are dedicated and are quite possibly some of the most passionate HMHS sports fans (even though their perfect attendance is only for boys games, but that’s none of my business.) They attend every home and away game with their first-aid kits and sports medicine knowledge handy. The players rely on them for quick tapings, water breaks, and other things of that nature. The Trainers in Training are most commonly Junior and Senior girls who spend most of their time skipping class to hang out with Mrs.Gould or doing yoga.

Often referred to as: a bunch of Gould minions

5. Senior Trolls
6. The Senior Trolls

Trolls are everywhere at sporting events. Everywhere. So even though this classification is entitled Senior Trolls, literally anyone with a loud mouth and obnoxiously large prop of some sort can be a Troll. Now to focus in on this exclusive branch of Trolling, Senior Trolls: if you are interested and you are not already a Senior, pay close attention so you can pick up useful Troll tactics for when your Senior year approaches. In previous years, Senior Trolls have managed to disturb the peace in the most hilarious of ways. For example, Justin Arnold, class of 2014. He would go to everyone of the boys soccer games held at Scout field, and initiate his signature move on Luke Pease. When Luke would be appointed to do a throw-in for the Dawgs, he would approach the waist-high rope that lined the perimeter of the field to find Justin waiting for him with a sly grin plastered on his face. Luke, with his back to the rope, would raise the ball above his head in anticipation of the throw-in, while Justin would grip the rope with both hands and pretend as though he were a slingshot, and Luke and the soccer ball were to giant rock about to be flung wildly onto the field. Some other common Trollisms include: blowing up giant pictures of themselves or the athletes, chanting such things as “SAT SCORES” or “START THE TRACTORS”, screeching during the opponent’s foul shot, painting their faces and bodies, etc. As a fellow fan, trolls make even the most tense of matches light and fun. Trolls make us remember that in the end, it is just a high school sport.

Sadly, many Trolls are evicted from events before reaching their maximum potential.
Surely, there are more important things to life than attending a high school football game or wrestling match or swim meet. Even if going out is not exactly your thing, this is your school, your chance, and your right to be spirited. In the four short years you have here at HMHS, you will only have so many chances as great as these to truly bond with your classmates, your town, and people who share a common love and pride for school as great as this one.